Over 60 Workout

Physical fitness is, allegedly, an important component for a productive life. Based on my own experience, I think seniors should get daily life credit for physical fitness simply because staying alive requires most of the activities described below on a daily basis. Feel free to suggest others if I publish this prematurely out of fear that I’ll forget it.

I’ve already noted that I think the time it takes to put on my athletic shoes should count as part of my workout regimen. I’m calling that activity the “Socks Over Feet, Shoes Over Socks” Warm Up. It needs a name because otherwise I might forget the proper order and have to add it to Exercise #3, which carries enough reps on its own.

Let’s see what else is included in the Over 60 Workout. Large print format for obvious reasons.

The Over-60 Workout includes the following, none of which need to be done each and every day, but all of which you can count on repeating with regularity:*

1. Do Overs: 5-10 per day, the number of times you need to start over on something, because you forgot what you were doing, where you were doing it, what you came into the room for, or what you needed to do, wait, what was I working on again?

2. Roll Overs: Usually 3-5 per night, adjusting to the aches, pains, and other bodily functions associated with the Joys of Aging.

3. Start Overs: 1-2 per day, depending on your agenda: You know you did it better before, or you forgot where you started out the first time and now have the same project going simultaneously in more than one location. I’ve come to terms with accepting accomplishing one task has made it a good day.

4. Bend Overs: 5-6 per day, to pick up whatever (frequently keys, in my case) you just dropped.... again. Also used in picking up the pieces of what broke because you dropped it one too many times.

5. Up & Down Overs (Stairs): 3-4 per day, depending on how many things you forgot to get while you were up/down there, or what you forgot to get because you were distracted by something else.

6. Move Overs: Every damn time you try to walk in a straight line next to someone.

7. Trip Overs: Most days offer multiple opportunities to get this one in, even on incredibly flat surfaces.

8. Zip Overs: A small muscle exercise, created by forgetting, well, you know.

9. The ultimate, of course, is the “Keel Over,” but I’d suggest avoiding that one for as long as possible.

* Fortunately, you don’t actually need to count or keep track of exactly how many times you do any of these, which is just as well.

Certified Organic Irony

I do love irony, especially when it’s unintentional. 

The organic movement is certainly on the upswing. When we pay more for our organic products we do so out of concern for not only our health but, ostensibly, the health of the planet. And surely second-hand organic smoke must be good for all of us!

So I was unbelievably (as in “I can't believe you believe this”) excited when I just read what I suppose the marketers viewed as a compelling advertisement for the latest product in the certified organic line: tobacco! Presumably this will improve the users’ health, because everything organic is better, right? I can hardly wait to start smoking cigarettes, now that there’s a certified organic version available!

Destruction vs. Construction

   I enjoy Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert (I think the former is more consistently on point, but the latter produces more moments that put the TV in danger from liquid projection of whatever I happen to be drinking at the time). That being said, I'm also glad Stewart is shutting down for the summer; it unclogs the DVR and I think he's become a little stale. I give him credit for trying to be fair and critical of the administration, but it strikes me as mostly forced.

   On the other hand (I suppose that's the right hand), I can't abide Rush Limbaugh, even as I grudgingly recognize his talent for skewering his political nemeses (anyone with post 19th century views, IMO). I generally have about a 30-second tolerance for his voice, but have managed to last longer than that on rare occasions. I'll throw Dennis Miller (whom I've heard maybe once or twice when he was first syndicated in St. Louis, but I did read one of his books) onto the pile (or under the bus?), just to keep the sides even.

   However, the point I want to make is that ridicule is easy; problem-solving is hard, and complicated. Ridicule works, as often as not, because it takes a complex situation and either manipulates details or creates clever play-on-word comparisons. (Stewart and Limbaugh [and their writers] are especially good at this.) Without disparaging the talents of satirists, making an idea or a person (using words out of context or pushing a position to the point of absurdity) appear ridiculous (and we must give both political parties "credit" for providing so many easy bulls-eyes) is not nearly as tough a task as careful and thoughtful analysis of a problem or proposing a worthy or logical solution.

   Of course, proposing an alternative solution further raises the degree of difficulty, as well as subjecting that alternative to the same kind of ridicule that sabotaged any hope for the original. Congress has clearly demonstrated how much easier it is to find excuses to oppose proposals than to productively create solutions, via compromise, to our multiple national dilemmas. In this media age, compounded by the ease of offering opinions via social media, it is no wonder thoughtful people are reluctant to put targets on their backs by offering solutions.

   Personally, I'm really good at destruction when it comes to household projects. I can take things apart if there's no expectation of its retaining any useful life beyond recycling. Construction, however, is beyond my abilities. On the idea side, I like to think of myself as a problem-solver, someone who can come up with creative solutions to complicated challenges. I have no problem working with critics, in part because I've generated so many over the years. I recognize that we all need counterbalances (or editors, not someone readily available for a blog) to point out flaws or alternate directions. Nevertheless, I'm guessing those who have been on the receiving end might opine that I'm even better at caustic criticism, and, certainly from their perspective, they might be right.

   I'll continue to be amused by the satirists, but I hope I don't fall into the trap of thinking they're actually providing any meaningful solutions to real problems.