Retirement, Note 1

This is certainly not my final word on that subject. I planned to post sooner, but I’ve been too busy….

My softball girls know I retired and one of them innocently asked me, “Coach, what do you do all day?”

Good question. I know what I’m not doing. Instead of going to pre-service meetings, I went to Los Angeles. I don’t worry about how well I’ve prepared a lesson or whether I’ve finished grading a paper. I certainly don’t worry about grading summer assignments (okay, I never worried much about that, so not much change there). I haven’t played any iteration of my favorite computer game (Civilization) since early in August.

I am doing a better job of planning my JV softball practices and not freeloading off the varsity coach. I am contributing at least a little more to the household obligations. I am working out more regularly, but still not as often as I’d like. I am reading the paper most mornings instead of hoping to catch up before bedtime. I am in the middle of at least a couple books. Becca just started school, so up until this past week I’ve spent time with her during the day (such hardship). I have played a round of golf each week, but that has more to do with staying in touch with a friend than actual golf. I’ve probably watched less TV (via DVR) than usual, despite this being baseball season.

It has certainly felt like I’ve been busy; I haven’t been bored, for sure. I have thought, “How did I used to do everything I needed to do last year without collapsing in exhaustion?” The answer might be that I didn’t. Carolyn says I actually didn’t handle things all that well, that I was constantly tired. But I’m tired at the end of the day this year, too. Am I out of energy at day’s end because I’ve expended my limit, or am I out of energy because the demands on me are more limited? Does my energy level limit my activity, or does my limited activity schedule diminish my energy level?

I clearly haven’t written as much lately, although I do have a softball blog going, too. The pace of that blog will pick up when the games start this week, but I did that last year, as well. I probably need to have a schedule, impose some self-discipline, not one of my great strengths. One of my writing heroes, Ray Bradbury, went to his office every day. Steven King (not one of my writing heroes, although I certainly recognize his talent) does something similar. I’m not there, not sure I want to be.

But that begs the question of where do I want to be, a question that remains unanswered. My life has been serendipitous, for sure, but my luck has been grounded in actually taking some kind of initiative or, at least, saying “Yes” to an opportunity that presented itself. Where those future opportunities may come from is certainly unclear for the moment. For now I’m willing to wait and see, experience this more unstructured pace, and appreciate life as it unfolds.