A Modest Non-Binary Proposal for Them

 Like most everything, language evolves. If you doubt that, just read Beowulf, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Canterbury Tales, etc. 

I remember when, almost 50 years ago, women (rightfully) objected to being categorized by honorifics that designated them by marital status. Thus the birth of “Ms.”, almost universally accepted now. But there was resistance in the beginning, although not from me. “Ms.” became my default, even if I was happy to accede to requests from those who preferred Miss or Mrs. 

Fast forward to today and a growing, not insignificant number of young people are objecting to gendered pronouns, resisting the inevitable stereotyping that they believe they project. Our English language (as well as others) fails them in this regard. I get, and respect, that. “Masculine” and “feminine” are both continuums, and not wanting to be pigeon-holed into someone else’s preconceived image is a worthy goal. 

I confess, however, that my grammarian soul struggles with the contortion of forcing “they” into the singular. And it’s not just that, to these old ears, “they” as singular, even if gender neutral, is akin to fingernails on the proverbial blackboard, even if the young people who want to use it that way have perhaps never seen, much less written on, one of those vestiges of days gone by. It’s also confusing, because now “they” can refer to either a non-gendered group or one member of that group, to say nothing of its traditional usage. Nor does the pronoun roll off my tongue or out of my brain, so even though I want to be supportive, I will inevitably fail more often than not, due mostly to 70+ years of usage (to say nothing of teaching).

So I offer an alternative, a new set of gender-neutral pronouns. There may be other options out there, and I don’t claim mine is better than any others that I haven’t heard yet. But I’m going to try to use mine, and welcome you to join me if you’re so inclined. Allow me to introduce, to any accompanying xylophone crescendo....

“Xye” (pronounced either Zee or Djzee, like the soft “g” at the end of garage): third-person singular human, nominative case.  I particularly like this because it also incorporates the genetic “x” & “y.”

Objective case: Xyem (“Zem”) 

Possessive case: Xyair (“Zair”)

I’m less enthralled with these (and they could be spelled with the “Z” for the sake of clarity in pronunciation and since when has the English language worried about consistency?), because they’re still kind of them and their, but I don’t see a better solution. Others might.

This modest proposal will no doubt be criticized, probably both kindly and unkindly, by those who see gender as immutable and binary. But I think that view is swimming against the tide and I’d prefer to find a solution that respects both the language and the people who feel constricted by it.

Language, and, consequently, grammar, will continue to evolve, and the pronoun battle is one we don’t have to fight, at least head-on. 

I will, however, resist to my dying breath, making “a lot” into one word!