A Conundrum: Tolerating Intolerance

The pending arrival of the SCOTUS decision on gay marriage is crashing head-on into the controversy over the Confederate flag. I struggle with the aftermath of both these issues, no matter who wins, because the problem with “winning” is that the “other side” has to lose.

However, this piece is about neither of those issues, at least not directly, although I unequivocally support marriage equality. I also totally reject arguments that the stars and bars (I refuse to promote its status with capital letters) – and, by extension, the whole Civil War – is really about celebrating Southern heritage. I call B.S. and refer you to the linked article. (http://theweek.com/articles/562004/surprisingly-uncomplicated-racist-history-confederate-flag from The Week)

Some conservatives, and especially conservative Christians, are claiming that the so-called tolerant liberals who support marriage equality are intolerant of their faith-based opposition to the same, that not only their beliefs but they themselves are being discounted and, in their view, even discriminated against.

In the same way, I consider myself to be a tolerant person, but I confess that I am tempted to respond to what I perceive to be the intolerance of others with intolerance of my own. A shop owner who refuses services, or offers only surly service, to a person because of sexual orientation is not someone who will earn my patronage or respect. Neither do I have any use for racists, no matter how they try to camouflage their bigotry with disingenuous or irrelevant arguments.

However, I try to remind myself that basically good, decent people can be unenlightened, misinformed, ignorant, or just plain (have you noticed that plain and Palin are anagrams?) wrong. I also recognize that those who disagree with my positions might feel the same way about me. I also try to remind myself about Rule #24: agreeing or disagreeing with me doesn’t make you right — or wrong.*

The key to tolerance is respect for those with whom you disagree, (even if you believe that THEY are failing to respect you in turn) not necessarily their opinions or their arguments, but them as people, entitled to their own misguided notions (as I am to mine, as you might see it). In the same way that I assume that any disagreements in philosophy or point of view are not personal, I assume that any contrary political positions are not aimed at me, but my positions.

What that does, I hope, is allow a return to civility, a willingness to accept that the ideas of others are worthy of consideration, because the holders of those opinions are worthy of respect as human beings, to accept that there is no single answer, no single solution. For that to truly happen, however, will require that all of us, no matter our position on the political spectrum or stance on an issue, must forgo anger at those with whom we disagree. Sadly, we have too often deteriorated from “I believe I’m right” to “I’m morally superior and you’re not only stupid but evil.” We, and our opinions, all come from different places, places that color our perceptions of both events and each other. We must be willing to at least listen to those who think differently and not confine ourselves to our personal echo chamber.

Nothing in this (increasingly) complex world is so simple that there is no room for debate, disagreement, or alternative thinking. You can claim the moral high ground, but if you look across the valley you’ll see at least one other camp on another mountain. I suggest that if both can’t be right it is equally likely that neither is, at least not completely. I have written about this before, but before scorching the earth of someone with whom you disagree, pose the question, “What if I’m wrong?”

Bottom line: we are all entitled to our thoughts and opinions, no matter how misguided, but we also all have a responsibility to play nicely with the others who inhabit our sandbox. It doesn’t cost extra, after all.

* Rules 2, 11, 12, 19, 23, 26, 40, 41, & 44 could be considered relevant here, as well.

Yes, I know my self-imposed hiatus did not last long. Maybe I should have threatened to quit writing sooner!