As disappointing as it may be, I still haven’t been
invited to present any commencement addresses, even though I’ve been
sporadically revisiting my (Incomplete) Rules o’ Life over the past few years
in anticipation, trying to keep it up to date, should the occasion arise.
Perhaps it’s just as well, though. I’d hate to generate protests or walkouts by
the graduates. I’ve also added a couple corollaries. In any case, here is the
annotated update (“Rules” with a C in the number are corollaries), followed by
the complete “Berndt’s Incomplete Rules o’ Life.” Some rules are obviously more
significant than others, and someday I may reorder them in terms of importance.
Or, given how long it’s been since I did an update, maybe not. Enjoy it, or
not. Better yet, make your own! (see [renumbered] Rule 65)
2-C. Rightness does not excuse rudeness (stolen from
Megan-Phelps Roper and her TED talk about leaving the Westborough Baptist
Church)
15-C. Don’t be afraid to lose; or fail. If you’ve never
failed, you’re either not trying hard enough or enough new things.
See Rule 15 Above.
If your primary goal is to avoid failure or loss, you’ll never maximize your
results.
47-C. No sane adult would ever repeat adolescence.
(See Rule
47)
54. Unconditional love makes both the giver and receiver
stronger.
Loving
without reservation is liberating and empowering – and sometimes painful. Do it
anyway.
55. Just because it feels personal doesn’t mean that it is.
Intent is
everything, and not everyone shares your agenda, journey, challenges, dreams,
values, aspirations, etc., etc. This rule holds true in family relations,
interpersonal relations, government relations, international relations. Or you
can spend your life angry. This is just one of the reasons I find
Donald Trump so dangerous, since everything seems to be personal to him (and
worse, he promises to act and react accordingly).
56. You can’t choose your martyrs, but you can choose your
heroes.
There will
be people who will adopt and even sacrifice for your cause, whether or not you
want or need them to. You have no control over that. However, you don’t need to
defend or lionize them unless they’re truly worthy.
57. If you're going to post, repost, or create a meme, double
check the spelling and grammar.
Of course,
this assumes the people you hope to influence will actually recognize errors of
that sort, which, now that I think about it, is a not very frequent attribute
of those who get enthusiastic about reposted memes. So, in the words of Emily
Litella (the late, great Gilda Radner), “Never mind.”
58. With nothing to look forward to, there’s an unfortunate
tendency to spend too much time and energy looking backward.
Living in
the past is not particularly productive, and often delusional. It may be the
most significant pitfall of aging. Revisionist history is not just for
textbooks and agenda-driven historians anymore.
59. No one said the high road is the easy one. But it is
almost always the right one.
I can’t
think of any real exceptions to this. I suppose that, in theory, if taking
the high road jeopardizes an innocent’s welfare, you might face a tough
decision and need to investigate alternative routes.
60. Loyalty is a two-way street and may require
some sacrifice on your part.
If you
expect loyalty from your friends, family, employees, employer, colleagues,
etc., it’s up to you take the first steps down that avenue, even knowing that
you might not be met halfway. If loyalty really matters, it must become a prime
value, which can be inconvenient and even require some sacrifice, although
never to the point of violating other core values.
Sidebar: I don’t know who is to blame (but, like most things,
I’m guessing there’s plenty to go around), but I think our national economy is
much the worse off for companies seeing their employees as just another
interchangeable part, a human “resource” instead of a human being. Likewise,
employees who don’t understand their importance to the bottom line, and the
bottom line’s importance to their continued employment, are soiling their own
nest.
61. Smart and $1 will get you a Big Gulp. So will dumb and
$1.
It’s all
about what you do with your gifts. Over the years I taught a lot of gifted kids
who never unwrapped their presents. The path of least resistance is also the
least likely path to success.
62. Everybody’s job/life is tougher/cushier than yours.
Recognize
that it’s your road that you have to travel. Don’t judge someone else’s because
their path isn’t yours. Every job has its challenges, and you probably don’t
know how tough they are.
63. You can only coast so far. Eventually you run out of
downhill and need to work to get up the next one.
Take it
from a coaster. If you’re always coasting you won’t be in the kind of shape you
need to succeed when life gets harder. That it will get harder is a certainty.
That is not, however, inconsistent with getting better.
64. Don’t debate trolls.
Seriously?
This requires explanation? A corollary of “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it
wastes your time and annoys the pig.” Except trolls just annoy you, because
they don’t have feelings (except misplaced superiority) of their own. It is a
waste of time, however.
And, as always, the
(revised) original list. Most phrasing, if not the idea itself, is mine,
but those knowingly borrowed are in italics.
1 You don’t get a
discount on the Happy Meal just because you’re not….
2 Being “right” is
over-rated….
2-C. Rightness
does not excuse rudeness (stolen from Megan-Phelps Roper and her TED talk about
leaving the Westborough Baptist Church)
3 Love increases in
direct proportion to usage.
4 Better to ask
forgiveness than permission.
5 Find satisfaction
in achieving the best result possible instead of frustration over failing to
achieve the best possible result.
6 There’s no “undo
key” for life.
7 Don’t worry about
what other people think about you, because, in fact, they’re not (thinking
about you).
8 Most people are
capable of redemption, but only if you allow it.
9 If one sincere
apology isn’t enough, forgiveness isn’t really on the agenda (Okay, maybe two).
10 Life is a
marathon, not a sprint.
11 Not liking an
answer doesn’t make it wrong.
12 Being correct
and being wrong are NOT mutually exclusive.
13 If you’re both
the host and guest of honor at a Pity Party, don’t expect a large turnout.
14 Although your
body offers numerous hints, it’s when your mind stops growing that marks the
beginning of the end.
15 You never know
the limits of your reach until you fall on your face.
15-C. Don’t be afraid to lose; or fail. If you’ve never
failed, you’re either not trying hard enough or enough new things.
16 Try to go where
you’re invited, stay away from where you’re not.
17 If you can’t
like yourself, what’s the point for anyone else?
18 Be a good
audience.
19 Admitting that
you are/were wrong is both cathartic and liberating.
20 If you can never
be satisfied, don’t be surprised when people stop trying.
21 Wherever you go,
there you are.*
22 It’s just so
much easier to tell the truth in the first place.
23 Stereotyping
victimizes both the typee and typer.
24 Just because you
agree with me doesn’t mean I’m right. **
25 If you insist on
seeing the glass half-empty (or less), don’t be surprised if someone just
drinks the rest.
26 The loudest
voice has no more claim to truth than the softest.
27 It’s way easier
to fix the flaws in others than deal with your own.
28 You can always
find something to complain about, but I’m not sure how that’s helpful to
anyone.
29 People will
generally live up to or down to your expectations.
30 If you want to
make a fresh start, it will require more than a change in location.
31 If you’ve never
offended anyone, it’s likely you’ve never said or done anything worth thinking
about.
32 If someone
really wants your advice or opinion, (s)he’ll ask.
33 Hey, if you’re
going to nurse a grudge, at least make it over something life-altering.
34 Pay yourself
first.
35 If you expect
people to read between the lines, make sure the font is dark and bold – and
don’t forget to double space.
36 Whether it’s
arson or an accident, you can’t unburn a bridge. You can rebuild it,
eventually, but getting a permit from the right person can be problematical.
37 The pain-level
of an insult is directly proportional to its truth-level.
38 Unsolicited
opinions are like pennies – it’s easy enough to find one lying around – and
it’s worth about as much. (See Rule #32)
39 Blaming
others for your failure to ask for what you need is a little backwards. (If
you don’t A-S-K you don’t G-E-T.)
40 Just because you
have the right doesn’t make it right.
41 Make sure your
path to the target is clear when tossing a well-aimed dart – you never know who
might walk in front of it.
42 Most rules
written in crisp, dark black print on starkly white paper may be clear but are
also fragile and easily broken.
43 If what
you’re doing to win her (him) isn’t real, the relationship won’t be either.
44 Before trying to convince
someone else that you’re right, ask, and admit the possibility, “What
if I’m wrong?”
45 The potential to do harm is
greater if thinking is missing from the picture.
46 Just because a critic says something is “good”
doesn’t mean I have to like it.
47 Most important youth lessons are painfully learned.
47-C. No sane adult would ever repeat
adolescence.
48 Live so that people will want to celebrate your life
at your funeral.
49 Next time is often a long time from now….
50 If you don’t have anything to do, that’s probably
pretty much what you’ll actually get done.
51 Just because someone put you in charge of the
restaurant doesn’t mean you should try to tell the cooks how to do their jobs.
52 Sports without sportsmanship is just war with fewer
casualties.
53 Just because you’re as good at something as you care to be
doesn’t mean you’re actually good at it.
54. Unconditional love makes both the
giver and receiver stronger.
55 Just because it feels personal doesn’t mean
that it is.
56 You can’t choose your martyrs, but you can
choose your heroes.
57 If you're going to post, repost, or create a
meme, double check the spelling and grammar.
58 With nothing to look forward to, there’s an
unfortunate tendency to spend too much time and energy looking backward.
59 No one said the high road is
the easy one. But it is almost always the right one.
60 Loyalty is a two-way street and may require
some sacrifice on your part.
61 Smart and $1 will get you a Big Gulp. So will
dumb and $1.
62 Everybody’s job/life is tougher/cushier than
yours.
63 You can only coast so far. Eventually you run
out of downhill and need to work to get up the next one.
64 Don’t debate trolls.
65 You’re
welcome to borrow or revise any of these, but you’re better off with your own
list; it is, after all, YOUR life.
66 Always
leave room for one more….
*Apparently
stolen from Confucius. Who knew? I thought I was using something from Buckaroo
Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension.
**The converse is also
true.
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