Collateral damage: “Unintended damage,
injuries, or deaths caused by an action, especially unintended civilian
casualties caused by a military operation.”
I am not a veteran. I
dodged that literal and figurative bullet during the Vietnam conflict thanks to
my incredibly poor eyesight. I am, however, the son and grandson of veterans. I also taught
numerous young men and women who are either still serving or who served, at
least one of whom paid the ultimate price, a fact about which I’m still angry
and heart-broken to this day. Important friends served, as well. We owe these
men and women our support, not only during their service, but after it, as
well. We also owe their families our support, no matter the cost.
General Sherman famously
noted, “War is hell!” What he failed to add was that, for some soldiers, it is
a “hell” which can remain an ongoing part of their lives long after their
service has ended. They represent a minority, albeit a significant one, of our
veterans. Our support for them is, at best, minimal, and, at worst, criminally
negligent. If that’s not enough to make your blood boil, consider what CBS Sunday
Morning called “Collateral Damage” in a story broadcast on March 16. You
should watch the linked story, but the gist is that children of
servicemen and women are not entitled to any kind of counseling
or treatment unless such counseling or treatment will
directly benefit the serviceperson. So not only are we failing
our service personnel, we’re failing their families.
For reasons I don’t
understand, empathy has become a dirty word in some circles, but imagine that
it’s your father or mother (or spouse or sibling), away for
months at a time, perhaps even for multiple tours, experiencing the stresses of
combat. Whether or not (s)he comes back damaged or unscathed from deployment in
a combat zone, it is at least possible, if not likely, that you would need
support, if not help, in dealing with that both during his/her absence and
perhaps even after his/her return.
I think it is a fair
assumption that most of the men and women who experience combat will change, some dramatically.
That change won’t occur in a vacuum and will impact those closest to the
veteran. The family dynamic will almost certainly change, and too often not for
the better. Yet we ignore that collateral damage to the people closest to the
veteran.
You would think that
everyone would agree that those men and women who have served us deserve
our support and respect. (Sadly, we’re not doing that great a job even for them,
either.) That support must, to my mind, include the soldier’s* family, because they’re not
only an integral part of the process of assimilating back into “normal” life,
but they, too, must find their own new normal, both during and after deployment.
The commercials and news
stories showing the tearful reunions, parades, school assemblies, stadium
reunions, etc. do exactly what they’re intended: tug at our heartstrings, make
us feel good. They also mask the ongoing commitment we owe these men and women,
because when the cameras are gone, when all that is left of the parade is
confetti on the street, what do we do about the detritus that is the result of
the deployment, the fragile family ties that must be rewoven? Those are costs
we need to consider – and budget for, as well.
I have zero hope that our
political “leaders” will put aside their political and party ambitions (They’d rather point fingers, an activity
that exercises only one muscle and accomplishes nothing.) to offer the kind
of tribute our veterans truly deserve by adding this issue to the agenda of
improving how we support our returning servicemen and women. I’m not at all optimistic
but, on this Memorial Day of 2014, that would be truly memorable.
* refers to all service
branch members
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