Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Ms. Teaching,

This is such a hard letter to write, and I’ve been struggling with it for a long time. As prone as I am to dither, agonize and procrastinate when faced with difficult choices, I have made a decision, and I think it’s best to be direct:

I’m sorry, but we have to break up. It’s time. Look, we’ve been together, more or less, for 45 years now and I just don’t think I can maintain the relationship any longer. I mean, it’s been fun and all, and I’ll always remember, with great fondness, our time together. You’ve helped make me who I am today and I appreciate that. You’ve made me a better person, father, maybe even husband, although I’m not sure Carolyn always agreed, even as she has loyally and patiently stood by me. Still, I’ll never forget you — I confess that you were much more than a dalliance; no, you were a part of me, almost the definition of me.

That’s the problem, of course. In the competition for limited time, you frequently won and my family lost. It is never good news when your daughter’s first complete sentence is, “Daddy’s at a meeting.” You consumed me, my time, my energy – and I loved you with an undeniable ardor. I guess I always will, but it’s time to end our, yes, I’m saying it, our affair.

Oh, please, you’ve had to know this was coming for a long time. Just accept it and move on. There are lots of younger, more energetic, more ambitious targets of your various and undeniable charms who can meet your ever escalating needs.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Really, as trite as it sounds, it isn’t you, it’s me, although surely even you must admit that you have become increasingly needy, increasingly demanding. I don’t know, maybe you always were but I was just so smitten that I couldn’t see it. I was obsessed, our connection so strong, we just seemed meant for each other; but that passion which once possessed me has not just diminished, it’s disappeared, completely gone.

But even if a passion ember still existed, the energy to do anything about it does not. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I couldn’t get through our most recent tryst without a nap! Where I used to think about you all the time, often ignoring my family and neglecting my obligations to please you, now, once I leave our room, I devote almost zero energy to you. You deserve more than that, you know you do. But my family also deserved more and it’s (finally) their time now.

So this is it. Yes, I know it sounds harsh, but please, I’m begging you, don’t call me. I’ll call you if I want to get back together, but don’t wait up. No, I mean it, don’t call me. Because if you do we both know I will at least be tempted to respond to your siren call, and resisting temptation (and flattery, and the need to be needed) has never been one of my great strengths.

Thanks for everything, thanks to everyone, all those who made our affair so memorable. But I’m done. Buh-bye.

Rule #23 – Stereotyping Victimizes Both the Typer and the Typee

Here at Lindbergh High School, Student Council elections are in full swing, with lots of posters on the walls touting various candidates. Wit and word play abound. A couple of boys in my AP Gov’t. class created a clever poster playing off the Donald Trump campaign slogan: “Make Lindbergh Great Again.” They have encountered some of the same hostility that supporters of Mr. Trump have, with blasts on social media, posters torn down, etc. While I suspect they may actually support Mr. Trump’s candidacy, I also know, having talked to them, that their poster (see below) also represents a tongue in cheek approach to their campaign. I also expect they will be trounced just as badly as the candidate they used as a model will be (of course, I never would have predicted that he could be the presumptive nominee, so my prognosticator credentials are open to debate), at least in part because they don’t have a vilified opponent.

But it made me think. Supporting Donald Trump’s presidential campaign does NOT make make someone a racist, misogynist, or any other label ascribed to the candidate. Neither does supporting Bernie Sanders make his enthusiasts freeloading socialists looking for a handout. All the calls to put Hilary Clinton behind bars ignore the minor detail of presumed innocence on which our justice system is founded. To demean the supporters of any candidate, to stereotype them in any way, is both insulting and inaccurate. People have valid reasons for their support of their candidate, whomever that is or may have been, and there is no reason to gratuitously insult their thinking.

You want to make snarky comments or post mean-spirited memes about a candidate? Well, I doubt that is an effective strategy, but the candidates knew what they were in for when they started running and I don’t feel any sympathy for them in the least. However, I’m also willing to give them the benefit of the doubt (and, honestly, I DO have significant doubt in almost every case) that they are running because they believe that they can lead the country in what they see as the right direction. They are not evil (well, maybe with the exception of Ted Cruz – just kidding – mostly), but flawed human beings who want to serve their nation. (I even acknowledge that for Senator Cruz.)

This is going to be an ugly election. I’m going to be more thankful than ever for DVR and digital music sources. I’ve made this point before, but I worry about the next 4 years, because whoever becomes President will go into office being, not just opposed, but despised by almost half the country. That’s a bad enough problem without compounding it by transferring that aggression (and we’re not talking micro-aggression here) to the people who are supporting and voting for our eventual leader.

     We must respect the office, if not the office holder; more importantly, we must respect each other. If we lose those pieces, we’re in even bigger trouble than you think we already are, no matter where you stand on the political spectrum.