No Discounts on Happy Meals

I have a list of rules I’ve developed over my meandering life journey. Rule #1, however, serves as the linchpin: “You don’t get a discount on the Happy Meal just because you’re not.” But it took me a while to reach that milestone marker.

As I’ve been revisiting the “lost letters” from my past, I’ve been forced to reconsider my original assessment that those first years of college (at Hamilton) were spectacularly unsuccessful. In traditional terms, of course, that is completely accurate (earning about one year’s worth of credit for my two years of residence). What I’ve garnered, however, is that I did set (whether unconsciously or subconsciously), and achieve, an important goal. Apparently I was determined to be unhappy and, not surprisingly, found multiple opportunities to focus on and achieve that end.

I’d like to tell you that this was just delayed youthful angst (it’s an understatement to say that I was not particularly mature), but thinking back I also remember, this time as an alleged adult, waking up, in the middle of the night  to write dark, brooding, and (probably) bad poetry. While I still have those documents of despondency, I choose to let them live where they belong, unvisited, in the darkness of a folder.

My quest for unhappiness had familial roots. In this alley between Mothers and Fathers Days, let me state that my parents did the best they could, given the family situations they came from. I don’t think DFS even existed then, and I can’t say for sure if either would have qualified for a visit, even by the standards of today. I think it’s telling, however, that my father once told me, “Happiness is over-rated.” 

I eventually came to realize that I, and I alone, am in charge of my own happiness. Finding that happiness also involved becoming my own, authentic self. That was, and still is to an extent, definitely a process, a journey, helped along by a supportive wife and loving daughter (and her family), plus a big helping of what were often dismissively (with a large dollop of snark) described as “pop-psychology” books. (The common theme of those books? Until you like/accept your (authentic) self, happiness will be elusive, at best.)

While this path to happiness has taken a while, with occasional potholes and roadblocks, I can report that now I can always respond to the ubiquitous greeting, “Have a nice day!” with, “Why not? No extra charge, right?” That usually generates smiles in both directions.

Have a nice day!

Books That Changed Me

In the most recent issue of the Webster-Kirkwood Times, the publisher ran a column about the influential books of his youth. Along with the surge of interest in George Orwell’s 1984, it got me thinking. So I am going to list my Top 20 (in alpha order; my youth lasted a little longer than normal, so this list goes into my first few years of teaching) and challenge you to list yours, as well, either annotated or not, as you choose. Just the list is on Facebook (and the chart above), but if you’re interested in why (I think) I made these choices, the reasons are annotated below.

1984............................................................... Geroge Orwell

This dystopian fiction seemed like Sci-Fi when I first read it in the ‘60s. It was my first real introduction to the importance of language and history.

A Doll’s House.............................................. Henrik Ibsen

Other Ibsen plays also resonated, but this one about breaking the (in this case) female stereotype grabbed me.

All Quiet on the Western Front............ Erich Maria Remarque

Oh, the irony and horrors of war.

Candide......................................................... Voltaire

“All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds.” Not so much.

Crime and Punishment............................. Fyodor Dostoyevsky

We all want to think we’re exceptional…. An existential classic.

Hitler: A Study in Tyranny........................... Alan Bullock

I thought it was great history, a brilliant psychological profile of an evil mind.

I’m Okay, You’re Okay................................. Thomas Harris

Pop psychology (a cognitive therapy). Less important in and of itself, but for where the books we read afterwards on transactional analysis (Games People Play, Eric Berne; Born to Win, James and Jongeward) that changed the way we reacted to each other and our daughter. TA has fallen out of favor, and cognitive therapies don’t work for everyone, but they sure helped us navigate some tough years. Still works, IMO.

Invisible Man................................................. Ralph Ellison

Brilliant tale on what it’s like to live outside the norms. Dramatically altered my views on life and race. Life changing.

J.B............................................................. Archibald Macleish

A play, the story of Job, told in verse. Although probably not many churches would approve. “If God is God, he is not good; if God is good, he is not God....” Made me think. A lot. Still.

Les Misérables................................................ Victor Hugo

Yes, we also love the musical, but read the book for its take on social injustice.

Man and Superman........................................ George Bernard Shaw

And many, many other plays by Shaw. Don’t skip the stage directions. The “Don Juan in Hell” scene is worth a read all by itself. If there is a heaven and/or hell, I like Shaw’s take.

Manchild in the Promised Land.................... Claude Brown

Harlem and heroin (Brown described its power that we’re witnessing today) 50 years ago. More insight on race.

Red Badge of Courage.................................... Stephen Crane

The horrors of war and combat. What we think we will do and what we do seldom jibe.

Skin of Our Teeth.......................................... Thorton Wilder

I like all of Wilder’s plays, but this is my favorite. History and future of human-kind. Still works.

Stranger in a Strange Land............................ Robert Heinlein

The sci-fi classic is more about society than science. This is one I want to revisit.

Sybil............................................................... Flora Schreiber

Although an extreme case, taught me that not all mothers are deserving of love and honor. We must recognize them as the flawed beings they sometimes are.

The Crucible.................................................. Arthur Miller

This allegory of the McCarthy Communist Witchhunt still gives pause. Could it happen again? You betcha!

The Martian Chronicles................................. Ray Bradbury

Especially “The Martian.” Find this if nothing else. What happens when you try to please everyone.

The Ugly American................................. Burdick and Lederer

As a teen-aged expat, this book about our diplomatic failures in Vietnam offered lessons on how we were being perceived by others. Given credit for being an impetus to the founding of the Peace Corps. First introduction to the Law of Unintended Consequences.

The Way It Spozed To Be............................. James Herndon

Should still be required reading for every young teacher and teacher to be. You have to teach who you are, not who you’re “spozed to be.” Also hilarious.

To Kill a Mockingbird................................... Harper Lee

Because it was the first “real” piece of literature that I read on my own (chalk this one up as an example of positive peer pressure). Fortunately, I liked it.

Yes, I know there are 21 here. I had to add one as I wrote this and didn’t want to take any out. Bonus points if you can figure out which one is the interloper.

Book Review: The Circle

This near-future novel by Dave Eggers has generated a fair amount of buzz and generally good reviews.

What is the logical extension of a Googlesque company (rebadged The Circle) knowing even more about you than it already does? What are the implications in terms of privacy? The scary thing about this book is that it doesn’t seem at all far-fetched. Google already tells me how often I’ve visited a site, personally tailors my search results; Amazon can pretty accurately predict what I may want to buy; iTunes suggests media based on my music library. I get cheery “Hi, Bob” greetings from innumerable sites. And FaceBook’s targeted ads are just scary close.

You’re reading this on my blog, to which you’ve either subscribed or linked via Twitter or FaceBook. We’ve already voluntarily given up so much of our privacy that the next steps suggested in the novel don’t seem at all outlandish. The technology is both conceivable and existent, for the most part. It’s just a question of organizing and harnessing the data, which is where The Circle comes in.

I’m not “slippery slope phobic,” although I recognize the theory. I think the argument is most often used to hang on to the past or to try to fend off an inevitable future. I tend to be a progressive and believe that change is not only inevitable, but that the pace of change will continue to accelerate. I also think that any lines drawn in the sand will be erased by the morning tide or next storm.

The Circle posits a social media company with the power to not only influence but control our lives. It’s definitely a cautionary tale worth considering. Still, I had to plow through it to the end, and it was heavy going. The true-believer protagonist (definitely no heroine) was neither likable nor sympathetic. I finished the book not because I cared what happened to her but because I wanted to see if the train would be derailed. 

Having spent time “camping” with the true believers I understand how momentum and inertia can take over so that you stop looking at anything except the gilded end-result. I probably steam-rolled my share of doubters, so convinced was I that my idealistic goals more than justified whatever collateral damage might have resulted. (This is quite possibly hyperbole, at least from my perspective; true believers tend to overestimate themselves, but also tend to ignore others’ pain.) I eventually evolved to consider other points of view.

The Circle is too frightening and too realistic to ignore. Whether that future can (or should) be avoided, whether it’s inevitable, those are important questions. I’ve written before about the downsides of secrets. Go ahead and discuss these issues among yourselves. I don’t know that you need this book to do it, though.

Book Review: People of the Book

I won’t pretend that this book will grab everyone, but it sure did grab me. Pulitzer Prize winner Geraldine Brooks put together a story tapping into multiple interests of mine, based on my life in the last 15 years (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t personal, given that I’d never heard of her until I was given People of the Book as a parting gift from one of my parents). Set at least partially in Bosnia as the war is winding down and concerning the (his)story of the medieval Sarajevo Haggadah (an actual book starring in a novel), it hit a trifecta.

Because it’s the first “real” book I’ve read in a long while (most of my time has been spent on lots of YA fiction, non-fiction history and biography, the occasional “beach” read, and The Week, which IMO is the best news weekly going), I also appreciated a story with multi-layered characters (none of whom are American, by the way) and a complex plot that bounces between centuries.

The journey of this manuscript from its creation in Spain before the expulsion of the Jews, through its survival of the Inquisition (it wasn’t only people who were destroyed), the Nazis of World War II, and the Bosnian War, its double-rescue by a couple Muslim academics from each of the latter conflicts, and the historical search for the truth of its journey (with some CSI science thrown in), made it an exciting read. I loved the message that, despite conflicts and biases, who we are and what we value is the result of the intersection of multiple cultures over centuries, and that we cannot selectively destroy even small pieces of that identity without negatively altering our own.

I also admit that at least part of the book’s appeal was that it was so thoughtfully chosen for me, recognizing my background and interests. That it was a heartfelt gift certainly made me pick up a book that I would have never chosen on my own, but when added to my connection with both the St. Louis Bosnian and Jewish communities in the last decade and a half, and finally combined with my appreciation of the intersecting threads of history.... What a great read for me.