| The Schechter Saga, Part II | for everyone |
It's been 20-25 years since we (Carolyn, Nicci and I) went to the wedding of a good friend of Carolyn's (and I think of Donna and her husband Jesse as friends, as well). As our present to the bride and groom I shot the wedding, but we were also invited guests. By the time I had finished the photography, we were more or less the only work-friend guests left, except for family and other close friends.
We were also the only white people left. I confess this initially felt awkward, and I got at least a feel for how it felt to be different than everyone else around you. Nevertheless, we were welcome guests and friends and while my feeling of "differentness" never went away, I was able to relax and we enjoyed the rest of the party.
Recognizing that this may say more about me than anything else, I sort of get that same initial feeling at Schechter. I'm not part of the club and I feel how obvious that is. This really has almost nothing to do with the kids, who are just a group of 16 eighth graders who happen to be Jewish. It's really more about the atmosphere of the school, which is decidedly religious (in this case Jewish). I kind of think I'd feel the same if I were in a strongly Catholic or Christian school. Add to this the fact that SSDS is essentially an elementary (K-8) school with a definite elementary feel to it, and I'm swimming in strange waters indeed.
I have yet to achieve a comfort level with the school or my colleagues. I must also point out that I'm basically an introvert and even if I were teaching at the Heathen Academy I might feel the same level of discomfort. Heck, I didn't really have many close relationships with my colleagues at Hancock when I left there; that was at least in part generational as much as anything. I had people to whom I served as a mentor; I kind of had emeritus status; I had friends in former students. But my peers and colleagues had pretty much departed.
I am hopeful that my comfort level will grow. I like to think it is already growing nicely with my students, whom I like and who, it seems, generally like me, even if they're not always as quickly responsive to my requests as I would like (did I mention they're 8th graders?). I am developing some collegial relationships with other staff, but I increasingly see myself as a Lone Ranger, operating on my own wavelength and not part of a team, a team I question whether I can ever really become a part of. Of course, not everyone at Hancock thought I was all that much of a team player, either! I'm sure it doesn't help that I have rush out every day to go coach softball at Webster, either.
I know that this musing is premature, that I'm perhaps rushing to judgment. It's only been three weeks. The faculty has been warm and welcoming; they probably don't really know what to make of me, but that hasn't stopped them from being friendly. The kids may like me just because I'm different... "We've never had a teacher like you, Mr. Berndt."
The wedding reception took a little time to gain a comfort level. No doubt the same will hold true for the school. I'd just prefer that it move a little faster. And, in fact, at the risk of being optimistic, perhaps the tide is starting to turn. Stay tuned.
We were also the only white people left. I confess this initially felt awkward, and I got at least a feel for how it felt to be different than everyone else around you. Nevertheless, we were welcome guests and friends and while my feeling of "differentness" never went away, I was able to relax and we enjoyed the rest of the party.
Recognizing that this may say more about me than anything else, I sort of get that same initial feeling at Schechter. I'm not part of the club and I feel how obvious that is. This really has almost nothing to do with the kids, who are just a group of 16 eighth graders who happen to be Jewish. It's really more about the atmosphere of the school, which is decidedly religious (in this case Jewish). I kind of think I'd feel the same if I were in a strongly Catholic or Christian school. Add to this the fact that SSDS is essentially an elementary (K-8) school with a definite elementary feel to it, and I'm swimming in strange waters indeed.
I have yet to achieve a comfort level with the school or my colleagues. I must also point out that I'm basically an introvert and even if I were teaching at the Heathen Academy I might feel the same level of discomfort. Heck, I didn't really have many close relationships with my colleagues at Hancock when I left there; that was at least in part generational as much as anything. I had people to whom I served as a mentor; I kind of had emeritus status; I had friends in former students. But my peers and colleagues had pretty much departed.
I am hopeful that my comfort level will grow. I like to think it is already growing nicely with my students, whom I like and who, it seems, generally like me, even if they're not always as quickly responsive to my requests as I would like (did I mention they're 8th graders?). I am developing some collegial relationships with other staff, but I increasingly see myself as a Lone Ranger, operating on my own wavelength and not part of a team, a team I question whether I can ever really become a part of. Of course, not everyone at Hancock thought I was all that much of a team player, either! I'm sure it doesn't help that I have rush out every day to go coach softball at Webster, either.
I know that this musing is premature, that I'm perhaps rushing to judgment. It's only been three weeks. The faculty has been warm and welcoming; they probably don't really know what to make of me, but that hasn't stopped them from being friendly. The kids may like me just because I'm different... "We've never had a teacher like you, Mr. Berndt."
The wedding reception took a little time to gain a comfort level. No doubt the same will hold true for the school. I'd just prefer that it move a little faster. And, in fact, at the risk of being optimistic, perhaps the tide is starting to turn. Stay tuned.
Rhett Oldham wrote on Sep 19, '09
ReplyDeleteIn typical Bob Berndt fashion you truly do not understand the impact you have on other people. The difference you have made in people's lives surpasses that of the mythical George Bailey. The impact that you have made on my family I witness each day with my wonderfully strong confident wife that was mentored both as a student and as a collegue by you.
Compassion and competency seems to cross all religious boundries and you have that in spades.
Terri Kung wrote on Sep 23, '09
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for not only returning to work, but also for the fact that you've taken on 8th grade! You are a brave soul. I have no doubt, however, that your students have gotten a great deal in having you as an instructor.
As for being a fish out of water, that may or may not pass, and probably not quickly as you might like. Before moving to the East Coast, I prided myself on being able to adjust flexibly to just about any cultural situation. I have lived and traveled in the Middle East, Asia, Europe and much of the U.S. However, I have found it very difficult to adjust to living in Westchester county. Perhaps I have found living here so challenging because it is so important--for my son's sake--that I actually try to fit in. Before I've always been content to be accepted as who I am and to live on the periphery of things--the eternal observer and analyst.
Then again, perhaps I'll just raise a son who is as quirky as me and he'll find his own way of fitting in. I'm sure you'll find your niche too.
E Carl Anderson wrote on Sep 23, '09
ReplyDeleteYou can articulate your feelings accurately, I believe (knowing you a little bit); that is 80% or more towards "dealing with it". I'm reading Scott Peck's book on community: what it really is , what it is not and how to acheive it; ie getting rid of clicks (cliques?) and excluding certain people, etc. They may be looking at you with "hard eyes" still. They will start to look at you with "soft" eyes, if they get to know you, faults and all and they , individually start to open up to you and share their faults. So, at a little risk here, beneath your confident , "in-control" exterior, lies a caring , accepting heart: let them see it and they will invite you in. And I say this with a hint of an idea of just how exclusive a club they might have in place. Sorry if I over-stepped here.